Another Car Crash

The car was moving fast. His foot was heavy on the pedal. I don't know why, but I was sitting in the driver seat with my back at the steering wheel facing the driver and my mom squished in the middle. My dad was driving. In the rear window, I saw that my brother was hollering and trying to chase the car.

The car was moving forward. I knew we were going to crash. We screaming. We drove out our driveway and into and through the next door neighbor's bushes and onto her driveway.

I don't remember much after that. We scrambled to leave the scene of the crime; my brother and I were quickly trying to bring my dad back into house, and someone (my mom or I) drove the car back to our house. Once we settled my dad inside our house, I stepped outside and looked over at our neighbor's house. Dirt and green bush fragments lied all over the concrete. There was a dark, bald man "investigating" the crime. A new neighbor, I suppose.

• This weekend will be the one year anniversary of my father's passing.

School's Out Forever? Or Not?

I was still dreaming.
Class has started, teacher stood. 
Her foot tapped, tapped, tapped.
-a Haiku, I submitted for a scholarship contest

My night dreams send me to school at least once a week. (One dream involved a school bus crash in my driveway with a child inside. I watched from my front door.) Often times it's high school, other times college, and a few times elementary or middle school. Peers, some of which I only had few verbal exchanges and whom I haven't seen or thought of for years appear in my dreams too. They usually come in with their one-liners. While others, I guess, are just there to fill the background space like an extra on a movie set.

I sometimes wonder if any of them have thought of me through the years or if they even remember my name. 

School dreams are have several meanings; a lesson to be learned, a need to your educate yourself on important life matters, failure, being ill prepared, etc.

I've been feeling like a failure and I can't seem to move on from this feeling. Unaccomplished.

I never thought I'd be on a "TEN YEAR PLAN"! It's not like a set out for it.

Fell Asleep With Roses

In recent months, I've had different songs appear into my dreams.

Lionel Richie: "Dancing on the Ceiling"

I was at a house party and was telling a party guest that I wanted to hear "that by Lionel Richie song."

I tried to sing the chorus to her, but she was quick to correct me. 

"No it goes, 'we're dancing on the ceiling...'"

And just like a dream, the song magically started to play.

(My dad made an appearance in the corner of a room. He leaned against the wall watching the crowd.)

Rockwell: "Somebody's Watching Me"

My mind was in a state of paranoia and I felt "somebody was watching me." The dream was angled  and "shot" the same way as the music video. I walked throughout an unknown house while the song played in the background.

John Mayer: "Dreaming with a Dreaming Broken Heart"

This particular dream ended with this song. All of sudden, I was sitting in my car dad's old car. The song played on the radio and he sung along, "When you're dreaming with a broken heart..." I hummed along with him as he backed out of the driveway.

• I've been dreaming with a broken heart for months now and it's not just myself, my mom too.
• I feel my dad was trying to tell me something in this dream. He always told us, "if something happens to me," which meant when he dies, to "keep on moving." That's just what I have to do.

A Nice Proposal

Photo Credit: Google Images

"Did you get the invitation?" Jonny asked.


"No, I didn't."


"I sent it to you in the mail," he assured me.


"I have to check." I hung up.


I searched through the stack of mail. There was nothing. No wedding invite.


My heart started to race as I looked down at the pile of old newspapers I had organized. I threw old mail away earlier that were mixed in the pile.


I hope it didn't get shuffled in the mail I threw away! 

I had a dream about this dream this last night. I was retelling Jonny the dream.

• Jonny was my old roommate/co-worker. We got along great. Everything about him surprised me to his musical tastes, family values, and philosophies on life. In a good way, of course. He had gone through a dark period when I lived him.
• It makes my heart happy to hear that he's doing well. I sent him a text message asking if he was possibly engaged or planned or getting engaged. His reply: "Actually I am. I'm planning a trip to Paris with my girlfriend and I'm going to propose to her there next month. Girl you psychic?"
• "I've always thought in another life that I was psychic," was part of my response. I can predict with certainty that he will propose in front of the castle at Disneyland Paris. 

Dream On It...

[Preview the book on Amazon.com]

I recently finished reading, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life by Dream Analyst/ Psychologist Lauri Quinn Loewenberg. It's a comprehensive book about "dream symbols" and what they mean. The book is a straightforward read of collections of real dreams and interpretations (although the writing can be cheesy at times!). I love reading about other people's dreams and Loewenberg is great at helping people understand the craziness of their dreams.

I've learned that dream symbols are interconnected and that is why sometimes while reading this book it felt repetitive, but it makes sense. Our dreams are always telling us something about ourselves. Dreams speak metaphorically and figuratively. This is why they are so bizarre.

I do wish the book had a better balance of positive life events instead those focused on "issues". Although there was a section on death in the nightmare chapter and in the dictionary, I was disappointed that I wasn't able to understand what it means when a deceased loved one appears in a dream.

While, I found this book to be fascinating and only pushed my interest in dream analysis, I'm still not 100% convinced that all of our dreams have a meaning. I think some dreams are just funny and are meant to humor us. Then again, humor in dreams mean something in "waking life" too.

[I recommend.]

Tears In Heaven

It's comforting that my father comes to me in dreams. 

He never spoke about his sadness. He harbored plenty of pain. Now, he is at peace.

Last night, he assured me that he was in heaven.

• It will take some time for me to find peace in my mind, though...

Car Crash

I woke up from a nap earlier today…

It was dark. I was driving on a familiar street, yet a street I rarely drive on. I had a hard time seeing.

I hate driving at night.

I yield right to turn on the busy street. There was a bit of traffic. I patiently waited until it was clear. I saw a girl in her black car. It seemed she was slowing down to stop. I turned right onto busy intersection.

I looked into my rearview mirror I saw the girl’s car directly behind mine. Immediately, the lane divided as a right turn only lane.

Dammit.

I signaled left and turned my head over my shoulder. It looked clear. I began to turn, I heard a loud, BOOM from behind. Then another, BOOM on the driver side of my car. I heard honking and tires 

screeching.

My eyes were blurred.

My head was titled onto my left shoulder. I moaned.

I’m still alive. 

I tried moving my head.

I woke up bringing my head up to the right.

• My dreaming mind is telling me a lot. It's just so hard to start all over especially when you're forced to.
• I'm still hopeful.